For most of my life, money was an unsensed presence. I only noticed it when I was in a crisis, and never really considered it otherwise.
When I first started thinking about my relationship to/with money, I couldn’t describe it, envision it, or even feel it. It took some time to realize I couldn’t describe it because it was so vague and intangible. It only became real when I was desperate so, of course, it seemed inconsistent, almost negligent or cruel.
I realized this some time ago, but couldn’t figure out what to change until a few days ago, it hit me – I needed to define a script, to write out the words. But what words? I didn’t have a clear starting point, just a blank gray spot. And what kind of relationship did I want to have? That was part of the whole problem – what little I’ve seen of money relationships aren’t so positive or healthy. What role did I want money to play in my life? How could I think about money in a way that didn’t make it the center of my life and thought?
It came to me, though, that I could think of money as another reflection of myself, like my friends, family, job, hobbies – another piece of the mosaic of my life. I suddenly knew that money is just another way the world can reflect my value, that I could view it as another type of mirror. I decided that I want that mirror, I want a healthy, prosperous relationship – I deserve to have my worth reflected in my relationship with money. I bring enormous value to this world, and I want that value reflected in a new way.
The universe has been good to me – my life is rich and full, even with the recent move and starting over. I have an unbelievable family of friends and loves, deeply meaningful work, a growing connection to my creative self, and I like the person I am. Engaging intentionally with money is another way to learn about that person, to live well, and be comfortable with my whole self.